WARNING:upcoming rant-read at your own descretion

SON OF A BITCH!  
Lately I have been depressed a lot.  I have been feeling down and out of sorts & not wanting to do anything.  Recently it has gotten a little bad.  I have not left my apartment for two days now (ordered food in but I should get out tonight) and I really don't feel like doing anything.  Now, believe me, I am kind of a nut case (not dangerous to anybody though) and I have seen therapists & psychiatrists but I have always prided myself on being able to function most of the time.  I usually get the have to do stuff done at the expense of want to do stuff.  Recently it has just been hard trying to live and go on.  Trying to live for and play the money game is okay but it gets tired when you can't make any progress.  Being stuck where you are really sucks.  Meaning: I live for my parents, my fish, and my plants.  When you are near or at the bottom, no one really wants to have anything to do with you, especially women.  Unconditional love??  No such thing.  Relationships will always have strings and/or requirements.  Reciprocal relationships that is.  Is it possible to receive from giving?  Is it possible to give from receiving? Life is complicated!!  Damn man!!  You love someone and they don't love you back or they think that they are loving you back by just receiving from you?!?!?  I swear to God man, if I win a lottery jackpot select people will get windfalls then I will "get lost" with the rest of the money.  People like to run marathons, hike trails, swim oceans, canoe, ice skate, etc.  Fuck that!!  I will do a little walking in my area and call it a day.  Read, internet, A.D.I.C. (my dream company), write, blog, maintenance....  A simple life.  Oh yeah, I would pay for hookers on a regular basis since I have no love interest or rather no one is interested in me.  With the money I would have false friends and superficial love but I guess I'm okay with it.  Why am I blogging right now?  What has given me the strength to rant on my computer?  I don't know.  I usually write out my posts on paper before I go to the keyboard.  Feeling like kuh kuh!!  Does anybody out there have any advice for successful living?  Something other than get right with God or take cocaine like everybody else?  Where else can one find meaning?  Where else can one get "the power" to go on living?  The other day my mom told me to go to hell.  We have reconciled a couple of days after that call.  My mom is my mom but she is also a friend.  The author of Blackrageous wrote recently about friendship and being a good friend.  She talked about keeping secrets.  I think that showing who you really are in front of that person (at least some of the time) and them accepting you is a sign of true friendship.  Damn, I need a couple of beers!!!  Let me tell you, it sucks when you're out of beer!!  I guess some of the crappo left over stuff tried from experimentation has to be settled for.  Lol...I drove drunk the other night.  I know you shouldn't do it but it was kind of fun.  It was 3am so not many people (mostly just me) were on the road.  I drove to Walmart which was about five minutes away from my home.  I promise not to do it again.  I just needed some kind of change and that was it.  Deadly change but change none the less.  The pool hall in my area recently closed down.  Where do I go if I want to get my ball & stick on??!!?  Son of a bitch ass bitch!  That really sucks!  I'm hungry.  I have to buy something to eat.  Got to go...BOP will talk later maybe.

BOP 

Yupper Do

"Money can't buy happiness".    -proverb?



"People who say money can't buy happiness don't know where to shop".    -some comedian



"People who say money can't buy happiness don't fucking have any.  Look at the smile on my face -- ear to ear baby".    -Jim Young
                                               fictional character in the movie Boiler Room



You can't please everybody all the time.  I usually visit my mom every Saturday evening mostly without fail.  Tonight I called her to let her know that something came up and that I could visit her Monday or Tuesday night instead.  She told me to "go to hell" and hung up on me.  Holy Smokes !!!  -  no kind of understanding from her.  

Shit happens yo.

BOP